Fin

Saturday July 31st, 2010

For our last full day we had a blast even if I cried twice. It was my favorite day out of all of them, and that's saying something considering that as each day passed it only got better. First, we had a poetry workshop and the instructor really helped us build up some confidence along with it. We had to write a line for a group poem on things we're passionate about, so mine was "unrealistic beauty travels, and unlawful disease." I was just kind of drawn to the idea. I really loved the instructor's opening poem and Kris's as well. They were both really beautiful.

Following that, we had a history of feminism from the third Nigro sister Julie. First, before I even begin, I love her hair and I wish mine was that cute. (Ever since then I've been contemplating whether to chop mine off or not, but nothing definite has been decided upon.) Anyways, it was based around only American women and their feminism, but I loved it. Some of the events and their corresponding dates were shocking though. For example, the one about Nebraska becoming the first state to make raping a wife illegal was far later than we thought it would be. I love history, and in school we had never focused on anything like this, so I really enjoyed learning about another aspect of history.

In Beyond Equality, also led by Julie, we basically had a closing (on a far more serious level) to our week. We sat in a circle and people began sharing stories, some sadder than others. Well, as time went on it became more troubled and since I've been having troubling thoughts lately I thought I would share. Once I started speaking I began to cry uncontrollably. I completely broke down to the point where I was shaking, and it was just so hard to continue with my thoughts. I hadn't yet opened up to anyone on my thoughts because I didn't want to be framed for being a bad person for wondering about it. I mean, is it right to cry for someone who has done nothing to you, but everything to the one you care for most? As I continued speaking I felt both a mix of relief and sadness. Both feelings came in unsettling waves and each time they washed over me, they drowned me, pushing me farther into that feeling. I kept my head down the entire time, except to look at Julie. Thinking back, I wonder if anyone was able to hear me that way, but I think I did that so I wouldn't see their faces looking back at me. I didn't want to see the sadness, or the pity, or even the boredom; I simply did not want to see the reactions. (Now, being here on this early August morning, I can only think of how complex everything is these days. He is alive still, but he is suffering. Although I am still undecided on how to feel about this, I wish he would be put out of his misery sometimes. No one should have to live through that, and even there I don't know if that's right or wrong or what to think. I can't seem to let go to what is here and just be open or let myself be decisive. And sometimes I wonder if maybe that's the way it should be. Maybe I shouldn't bother myself over something that is so little to me at this exact moment. And so many people wonder why I can instantly be distant. How couldn't I with thoughts such as these?)

After we stood up from our circle I received so many hugs and kind words from everyone. Martha actually passed me a note while we were still in the circle. It said "You're amazing <3 you!" It was just really special to me. Anyways, back to after the circle; afterwards Alisha approached me with tears in her eyes and asked to chat, so we went on a nice little walk around Val Kill and just talked. I was so proud when she opened up to me, especially since through out the week we hadn't chatted very, very much. We really were able to connect, and the only unfortunate thing about it was that we hadn't connected much earlier in the week. I was so happy to have been able to have that conversation.

And so get this. We met the one and only Madeline Albright! She was so great, and I loved what she said to us: "There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women." We got a group picture with her, and even though I didn't get to personally speak with her, I can still say I met her. It was absolutely incredible, and it was unexpected completely. We met the first woman secretary of state... I can't even believe it.

What made our last night such a great last night was our party. To get ready we dressed in the craziest outfits we could find, and we marched into the room chanting "G-L-W, G-G-L-W!" When we got in the room we found it to be decorated with streamers and balloons and they had created a nice little walkway/aisle for us to go down, high-fiving the staff all the while, to receive our tee shirts. Before going down it, we all sang a song to the staff that we had written ourselves and I think they really enjoyed it. To be granted entry to the aisle, two questions had to be answered:

1) What has this experience meant to you?

2) What will you do with the skills you have learned?

Walking down to the star at the top of the aisle was a bit emotional; just the simple realization that it was over seemed to tear at me one stitch at a time. Most of us became a bit teary, and although some tears were shed, there was something utterly beautiful about every tear. What is more beautiful that a group of young women crying because their newly made friends are parting? What is more beautiful than the fact that each and every one of them cares for everyone around them? What is more beautiful than all of us together?

At the dawn of one of my favorite nights tears quietly streamed down glistening cheeks as I realized that this was not the end, but the beginning. And as the music of songs for camp, such as the one for Martha, wafted through the midnight air, a pleasantness surrounded our world, the GLW world. Skits, songs, dancing, hugs, friends, and happiness. All of these mixed with confessions and hope defined the final evening, and also the following morning, at GLW, and in my new eyes it was more perfect than I ever could have asked for. How could someone be disappointed with such a strong finish? A remarkable woman once said "We make our own history," and we are on our way to doing exactly that.

Forever and Always With Love,
Becca