October 23rd, 2010

Last night I shared an amazing dinner downtown with one of my dearest friends. She is insightful and always has an opinion on topics, and with her I can tell her anything and I know she will listen. She is probably at the top of my 'trustworthy people' list. Regardless of the trust I have in her, we discussed so many unbelievable topics last night. Although we did discuss our friend problems, we mostly discussed ideas. The reason why I chose to bring this dinner up was just because it reminded me of GLW so much. Every topic, every word, every pause reminded me of GLW.

Our later discussions revolved around the topic of suicides/self harm, eating disorders, equality for sexual orientation, and how flawed our world is. Although we had met three weeks prior for our now regular dinners, what we had said about some of those things (ie religion) did not reach the magnitude of last night. About suicides we discussed how difficult one must be feeling to come to that conclusion. When one has never experienced the desire to harm oneself, it is so hard to get in that mind frame. I can barely reach the level of stress and sadness that would be involved, and I wish it wasn't that way.

And then I think of GLW and how amazing everyone there was. Nearly everyone had had something bad in their past happen, yet they were the most insightful and happiest girls I've have ever met. I can't help but admire everyone who overcomes hurt. I can't help but admire their strength and efforts. It is absolutely beautiful to me when someone can do that.

How flawed our world made us discover how changing would be such a challenge. Not everyone can be happy with a change, but if only we were all more open to trying change. I've made an effort to try change, not only with experiences but with food as well. I'm trying to be more open, because it's one thing to say people should be open to change and to actually practice what you believe in.

I feel like my thoughts around this entry are totally scattered, and I continuously find myself wanting to explain more about my school's fight in the entire thing. For example, for the past few days we've had videos on the morning announcements trying to persuade us to not say "that's gay." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IcRQssVllA
I agree completely that it's a degrading saying, as seen in the video. The only thing that I'm concerned about is that more people are seeming to say it as a result of the videos. High school didn't change - it's still just as it was months and months ago. Sometimes that upsets me greatly. Is it really necessary for our world to function as it does?

With Love and Apologies for the Scattering of Thoughts,
Becca